If you don't know, I'm not gonna tell you.

Having a man in my life extends my experiences and understanding.

For example, before I was married, I had no idea what a "Vulcan Mind Meld" was.  My husband pointed out that this was a grave oversight. He was happy to reform me.

When "Star Trek" came up in our movie night rotation, I was wishing that Anne Shirley had come up instead. But opening my mind to the remote possibility of being entertained, I happily sat beside my husband for the show.

After boldly going where no woman has (sanely) gone before, there are still a lot of things I don't understand: blue people, a girl without a first name, Spock's ears, space jargon, time warps, banishment on cold planets, arrogant recklessness...to name a few.

But, thanks to my husband's careful tutelage, I now understand the Mind Meld.

Sort of.

The best I can explain it is thus: when Vulcans want to achieve a better understanding of, or a higher communication with, a person, they place their fingers in a particular way on the victim's face and share consciousness.

How'd I do?

I'm fascinated with the fact that some things are reality for adult men, e.g., light sabers, super speed, the force, space worlds. Sometimes my husband reaches for a piece of fruit, stops half way, slightly closes his fingers, and furrows his brow in concentration. When I inquire after the strange behavior, he explains, "I'm using the force."

Well, duh. What was I even thinking?

I know he's not the only man who does stuff like this. When I asked one of my man friends what he wanted for Christmas, he responded (in all sobriety), "A light saber."

If you need further proof, look up "Vulcan" in wikipedia. Included topics (among many) are: physical characteristics, diet, mating, fighting and self defense, and home worlds.

Then look up "Anne Shirley", and notice how she is discussed only as a fictional, literary character.

While I don't want to understand why men create these alternate realities, I've come up with a theory about why the Vulcan Mind Meld was brought into existence.

The scenario is such: Man fails to empty full garbage can. Woman silently fumes. Although he didn't notice the full can, he can't help but notice her cold shoulder. He frantically reviews his behavior to see what he did to elicit such rude treatment. After a quick scan, he discovers there are too many possible catalysts, and decides a blanket apology is easiest. When she won't accept an apology because he doesn't know what he did, he resigns himself to his fate and goes to watch Sports Center. While watching, he daydreams about possible super powers he could gain. The top of his list: reading his wife's mind...by touching her.

I'm dead on with this, am I not?

But I would do my gender a disservice if I didn't point out something obvious to all us women.

Mind Melding is not necessary.

If you want to make us happy, try chocolates, flowers, a fancy dinner, or jewelry.

If you want to make us ecstatic, try a foot rub, making (and cleaning up!) dinner, folding a load of laundry, or giving us a nap. One of those always works.

In fact, try one of those, and we'll probably even forgive you, even though you don't know what you did.